I’m not exactly certain where I thought I would be leading into the middle of 2013, but it certainly wasn’t where I am now. I’m currently sitting back and looking at the past few months as a blur of emotions and things I had never felt, and yet each memory feels so natural and settles well within my heart and mind.
When I wrote about Jacob for the first time, I never expected anyone to react to my story or to share it with others. I knew I had something special, but I didn’t know how others would react. Often, I joke that Jacob and I live in a movie because everything just feels too perfect and everything happens as if run to a script. I was scared to share that with the world but the warm acceptance and appreciation for my story has been so wonderful, and I am so thankful for all of the supportive comments and messages my readers have shared with me.
As I write this message, I look down to my hand and my stomach churns with excitment. There are no words that can honestly express the feeling I get when I remember the moment we both told each other exactly how we feel. As I suggested the idea, I worried that he would laugh or dismiss it as childish or pathetic. Instead, in his most beautiful way, he embraced and cherished the idea. A Promise Ring, a token of our relationship; of our love.
The love I share with Jacob is a powerful, beautiful thing. It goes beyond what I thought love could be, and at times, it hurts so much because I am unsure how I am supposed to express the feelings inside. I made a promise to Jacob that I would forever his and, only his. And yet I craved to share my love for him beyond words, but in a most simple (and cute) manner.
Slipping the ring across his finger made my heart skip a beat. The words I promise his etched into the cool metal. Love. Hope. Friendship. Forever. A promise to always be with him, to always love him, to always support him in no matter what state or situation. The glimmering silver band catches his eye and we both stare down at it against his skin. His eyes are glossy but I can feel mine burn the same. There are no need for words.
That night, I held his hand as waves of anxiety wash over him. I whisper to him that I love him and I hold him close when we step into the space. He takes a deep breath and sighs softly. We sit across from my family and he speaks with honesty, with love, with admiration. He tells my parents that he loves me, that he has never felt so happy or complete. That he wishes to care and love for me forever.
My mother’s eyes glaze with unshed tears and I clutch his hand tightly under the table. My father, a man of abrasive emotions, his eyes glaze and he looks at me, silent, but his eyes say everything. A parents blessing. My own eyes pour with tears over the dinner table. He helps me wipe away the tears. There are no need for words.
We hold hands as we walk toward the car and our rings touch. We smile and embrace in the darkness of the night. There are no need for words.
I never thought that I would fall in love. I never thought I would be married. I never thought I would be so connected to another person that my heat aches when they are not around. But I simply cannot wait for the day that I can call him my fiancé, to call him my husband, to call him a father to our children. No matter how long it will take. That is my promise.
I’m not exactly certain where I thought I would be leading into the middle of 2013, but I know that I don’t want to be anywhere but where I am, right now.